I have gotten word, yesterday, that another set of my friends will divorce.
This grieves me immensely and partially reopens my own recent wounds. Does no one take their vows seriously? The wisdom of the world says that if a marriage is strained, it is better for the kids and each other if the parents separate. The wisdom of the world says that if you are not satisfied or fulfilled with your partner, you should move on to another. BULLSHIT! It is better for the kids if the parents quit acting like selfish children and do what is right and do the VERY HARD WORK of fixing what is wrong. The marriage and kids don't exist for the parents' personal fulfillment. If you are not fulfilled by your marriage, there is something you need to understand: your marriage does not exist for YOU. Your marriage exists for your SPOUSE and for your CHILDREN.
The big lies: "it is better this way"
No. It is not. Stop being so selfish! Get off your ass and WORK. Marriage is HARD! Deal with it. Get counseling! You'll tune up your car but won't do anything about your MARRIAGE?!?! You are just making excuses and trying to justify your decision. Stop lying to yourself.
The big lies: "it will just get worse"
It only got bad in the first place since YOU are not doing what you SHOULD be doing!
The big lies: "it will be better for the children"
This is total bullshit. I have always been against divorce. I am a product of divorce. I am also divorced (very recently, and I hate everything about it). What the HELL do you think you are teaching your children? You are teaching them nothing is permanent. You are teaching them love is how you FEEL, not what you DO. Love is NOT a chemical reaction. You are teaching them that marriage is NOT sacred. You are teaching them that your vows MADE BEFORE GOD (or at least in a court of law) are not important and can be broken (I *did* fulfill and keep my vows). You are teaching them that breaking promises is okay; that lies are okay. You are teaching them that personal sacrifice is stupid. You are teaching them that your personal fulfillment is more important than your family. You are teaching them to be selfish... just like you. And the cycle repeats in the next generation.
The big lies: "divorce is permanent"
Death is permanent. Divorce is nothing but a piece of paper telling you you are not married. Tear it up! Fix what is wrong! You want to see a judge smile big? Then tell the judge that you both changed your minds! Revoke your divorce! It CAN and DOES happen. The only reason a divorce is permanent is because one of you has decided it must be.
The big lies: "we have just grown apart"
My years of experience with my parents', my own, and observing others', divorce is that one spouse has decided to move on YEARS before the actual divorce. This decision is what creates the distance in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The two become more distant because one or both have unconsciously decided to force the marriage into a divorce. Practice a little introspection! Emotional distance is something YOU create for YOURSELF!
We have become a disposable society. People, however, are NOT disposable. Marriage is about PEOPLE! The days of "Ozzie and Harriet" were a REAL time in our society. It wasn't perfect, but it sure was better than the egocentric times of today where even life itself has become a "burden
" and disposable.