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Wakum Mata!
Politcally Incorrect Musings
Sad news 
16th-Oct-2011 08:54 pm
no marriage
Jocelyn and I have decided to divorce.

We desire these divorce proceedings to go as smoothly as possible and to ensure the best possible outcome for our children in the near and long term. We do not hate each other and wish to remain close friends. We must remain on amicable terms so that the children are not divided in their affections. Please respect these wishes and do not enter a private domestic battle you are not part and party to. You are entitled to your opinion, but we respectfully ask that you keep it to yourself as much as possible, and not involve our children.

Remember... you don't have to "choose a side".


The following is the original long form:

Few things are more polarizing than a divorce. In addition to the division of material assets, friends also gravitate to their divorcing friend and tend to shun the other spouse. The tendency of friends is to want to help and support your friend any way you can. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help and support your friend. This help is sometimes mistakenly done by insulting, or making derogatory remarks about the other's ex. It only increases tension in the already unbalanced emotional state and reinforces negative feelings and may result in spiteful and destructive actions. This undesirable situation is further compounded when there are children involved and hear this language. This is unacceptable as it places the children in the middle of the battle and forces them to pick sides. Such a state will only serve to harm the children. Using the children to seek your own sense of personal justice does not show that you have their best welfare in mind. You will not be helping to secure the best interest of the children by inflaming ire, hatred, and division between the separating couple.

Do not speak ill of your friend's former spouse. Creating animosity only places further stress in an already very stressful situation - this WILL be carried over in how the children are treated. Don't let the children hear your dislike for your friend's ex. Don't let them hear it through a third party such as telling your opinion to another child that the children play with or someone who may speak your ill opinion in front of the children. Don't speak ill by using euphemisms or in third-person; children are very good at figuring out who adults are speaking about. Children are sneaky and you may not think they are listening, but they always are even if the appear distracted or noisily engaged in play. If they are in earshot, they are listening. You don't have to speak in glowing terms and in praise of your friend's ex-spouse, but if a positive, or at least neutral, statement cannot be made then silence is truly the best option. Support your friend, but don't do it by fanning the flames; offer a shoulder to cry on, help with a chore, tell them you love them and will be by their side, offer words of comfort. There are lots of ways to help but with positive actions and statements. We have both personally committed ourselves to take the high road to ensure and secure the loving involvement of the other in our children's lives.

We desire these divorce proceedings to go as smoothly as possible and to ensure the best possible outcome for our children in the near and long term. We do not hate each other and wish to remain close friends. We must remain on amicable terms so that the children are not divided in their affections. Even living apart, it is in the children's best interest to know that both parents love them beyond measure. Even living apart, it still takes two parents to raise children with a healthy and well-balanced view of the world, love, and relationships. Please respect these wishes and do not enter a private domestic battle you are not part and party to. You are entitled to your opinion, but we respectfully ask that you keep it to yourself as much as possible.

... you have Jocelyn to thank for the short version ... Perhaps I know too many lawyers.
Comments 
18th-Oct-2011 03:34 am (UTC)
I am sorry to hear it. I do hope the two of you can reach an equitable and amicable split. And my hopes and preyers for the kids.
18th-Oct-2011 11:54 am (UTC)
Thank you.
19th-Oct-2011 12:50 am (UTC)
I too am sorry to hear it. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers as you go thru this difficult process. Sending hugs to both of you.
19th-Oct-2011 11:18 am (UTC)
Thank you.
30th-Oct-2011 04:33 pm (UTC)
Dear Mark,
Please remember, we both still love you all, and we are deeply concerned about the kids.
We have not divorced you, and we have no intention of taking sides in this divorce. It
breaks our hearts that the two of you couldn't find a way to be happy in your marriage, but
it is totally your decision, and we intend to stay out of your business. If we can help in any
way, just let us know. If possible, we would like to help the daycare expenses in the summer by watching the kids for a couple of weeks, once or twice. That would give the kids some quality family time with the grandparents, and save you both some money. We
Want the kids to know that the bigger world has not changed, and they can still be sure
that the whole family loves them. If you need help.in any way, just let us know.
Love,
Mom and Dad
1st-Nov-2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you. You are my childrens' only grandparents. I will NOT take that away from them. I belive that is a VERY important thing for children to have. It is how traditions and family knowledge are passed along. They have your blood in them, and they need to know their family ... all of it.

I wish my father was still around to impart his knowledge to them.
4th-Nov-2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
He will. He still lives through you. :)
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