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Politcally Incorrect Musings
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17th-Nov-2010 11:52 am
TSA chief likely to face lawmakers' questions on pat-downs, body scans
By the CNN Wire Staff
November 17, 2010 3:54 a.m. EST

Washington (CNN) -- The head of the Transportation Security Administration will likely get a pat-down on air-travel security measures as he testifies before Congress on Wednesday morning.


Transport authorities say advanced imaging technology meets national health and safety standards.

"These things ... have been examined six ways to Sunday," Napolitano said. "The [Food and Drug Administration], Johns Hopkins University, the U.S. Science and Standards Association have all measured the radiation involved in an AIT," she said. "It's almost immeasurable, it is so small."

In a report posted on the FDA website, scientists say full body X-ray scanners pose "very low health risks." The FDA evaluates radiation-emitting products as well as foods and medications.

But a representative for Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory said the group did not evaluate the advanced imaging machines for passenger safety. "That was not our role," spokeswoman Helen Worth said. "We measured the level of radiation, which was then evaluated by TSA." [...]


So once again we catch the administration in a lie. They lied about scientists wanting a drilling moratorium, about GITMO, taxes, about... pretty much every campaign promise, and now Napalitano is lying about the safety of the scanners. Safety, much less the efficacy of the scanners in preventing terror, has yet to be confirmed. The TSA is accountable only to itself, it appears.

It does not look like we are going to be able to get around the scanners for now so here are some things to do to have fun with the TSA:

If you plan to opt for the pat-down, make sure you eat a lot of beans and broccoli an hour before you go. Let em rip!

Men, whether you opt for the scanner or the pat down, take some Viagra or Cialis. Make sure you moan with pleasure during the patdown. Hump the hand! Ask if the agent is single. You get bonus points if you "pop your top" at the appropriate time.

Ladies, I recommend that you wear loose fitting sweats and stuff a "lifelike male prosthetic device" in your undies before you are scanned or groped.

For children: if you opt to have your underage child sexually molested by the US government and its agents, make sure you capture the moment on your cell phone or other video capture device and post it to the Internet publicly. Be sure to capture the face of the TSA agent. Warning - it may not be legal to tape government agents molesting your child. (Do any of you feel like sheep or cattle, yet, where your government can do such things to you with impunity? Are you REALLY free?)

Is the above not appealing to you? You could always opt for "Flying Pasties".

My personal recommendation? Drive. Take a train. Take a bus. Stay home.
17th-Nov-2010 07:40 pm (UTC) - Plans and more plans
... double bonus points if you get the TSA agent's phone number.

Guys can also try this: rainbow thong, low-rise and tight denim shorts, Boy George concert t-shirt (preferable a half-shirt), eyeliner, Birkenstocks. Make as much eye contact with the agent as possible. Wink every time you do. Make sure all of The Village People are blaring out of your rainbow-colored iPod.

If you "deposit fluids", be sure to tell the TSA agent you are HIV positive.

Edited at 2010-11-17 07:40 pm (UTC)
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